I'm so happy to see you February

January was 31 days too long.

hey hey,

How are you? Truly, my friend, how are you? I mean, the past month was at the very least, a doozy. I’m not doing so hot. I just wanna chat with a for a min- catch you up and let some of it out.

I’m writing this at 11:15PM on a Friday night when I should be finishing up the next bake club prompt, and in an attempt to feel like I’m not dropping the ball here… it’s pavlova and at least I’ve let ya know. But, yeah should be finishing up the post on that now. Actually, I should have had it finished mmmmm on Monday? Tuesday the latest, ready and scheduled to hit your inbox 6AM on the 1st. But, here we are. I’m here. But, not really. I told myself it would get done today, it had to get done today. Instead I stared a couple of screens, this one (my laptop) trying to put “perfect” pavlova into words and my phone, scrolling tik tok for at least 3x the amount of time I spent “writing”. The back and forth went on for 7 hours? Until my friends texted me and asked if I wanted to go to the mall for drinks and udon. Yeah, sure I don’t have anything to do, and I need the distraction from my distraction.

Also, it’s not that I didn’t want to do the work. I really did, but with everything else it felt so overwhelming- we can talk about functional freeze another time lol

When the fires were burning in LA, it definitely did not feel like an appropriate time for me to say “hey, y’all let’s turn on those ovens and make ourselves a lil sumn sweet!!” right? Not the time. Not the place. So, I took a pause from posting anything non fire resource related. But, then as things go, more and more heavy shit just kept rolling in. I don’t have to recap it all in detail- we know. We watch the news, and we doom scroll on the internet, and we know how fucked up it is “out there” right now. With each fucked up thing that happens, it’s like oof, okay I’m reading the room and still maybe doesn’t feel like now’s the right time for a cookie? But, maybe some of you need that cookie, as like the most temporary of escapes?

I also had this piece that I started writing last year in response to a question I get asked frequently, that I finally got around to finishing a few days ago. The question? “When should I splurge on ingredients for a baking recipe?” right right. So I wrote a little ditty tentatively titled: “we don't need to spend $20/gallon on milk for baking, do we?”. Mhmmm, yeah, the thing is that with the price of groceries right now.. everything is a splurge. Eggs? Hello… why do they cost more than chocolate rn?! Uh huh uh huh, reading the room really quick.. not the time babes.

But, at the same time, if we waited for all the bad in the world to stop before we baked a cake or allowed ourselves to feel joy without shame or share the thing we wrote about groceries, we would never do anything. So, today, I had to take a pause to remind myself that radical joy is an act of resistance. If I needed to be reminded of it, you might need it too. When things in the world are the way they are, slowing down and feeling happiness are so crucial to being a part of making good in the world. Community care is self care and vice versa. You cannot make a positive impact in your community if you don’t take the time to recharge because baby, you can’t pour from and empty cup!!

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What ever happened to asking our neighbors for a cup of sugar? We (broad generalization) live in this era of every man for themselves, with a lot of “what can you do for me?” sprinkled in there. Which creates a very individualistic society (derogatory), where we maybe don’t know our immediate neighbors and they don’t know us and we like to keep it that way. Where maybe, we aren’t checking up on the older woman down the street who lives alone to see if maybe we can pick up groceries for her while we’re already out shopping for ourselves or at the very least saying hello. If we don’t open up even the smallest line of communication with them, then how are we ever supposed to ask for that cup of sugar?

I live in my grandmas house now, a house I pretty much grew up in. So I sit in these walls and reflect on the person she was. She was always in tune with the neighborhood, the community and their needs. Always sharing the food she made and the things she baked with the people around her. Letting strangers live in the garage while they found their footing here. She’s the one who taught me the beauty in connecting over food and is the reason that no matter how hard I try I can never just cook (or bake) for one. Because, food is meant to be shared, it’s meant to open doors and bring us together.

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The grandma pic drop, was low key a little too emotional for me rn, so I’m gonna dip, but it was nice getting some of this out with ya. Thank you ♡ I hope you’re able to find pockets of peace and joy this month and truly relish in them. I hope you’re able to bake a cake or a batch of cookies to share with someone new. I hope… I’m able to get that pavlova piece done soon LOL so you can whip one up for a Galentine’s hang. It’ll be up Monday I swear.

With that, take care of yourself, take care of others and i’ll talk to ya soon!